Is Romance Officially Dead?

My stance on finding love in this day and age

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I am laying in bed staring at the ceiling. My mind is spinning. All of a sudden I hear music faintly coming from my window that just happens to be magically open, and facing the street. Oh my goodness, what could that be? Upon going over to the window and gazing out, I see him, standing on his car holding a boom box over his head that is blasting “In your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. I smile, maybe he is the one. Happily ever after… Or something like that.

Now, you may be thinking wait a minute… that did not happen to you. That sounds like the movie Say Anything starring John Cusack. That’s because it is. Of course that did not happen to me. Only something as glamorous as that would happen in the movies. In the real world, you sit and wait hours just for a two word message back that is always slightly disappointing. After pouring your heart out in a text the size of an elementary school essay, all that can be said for it is “thank you” followed by a red heart emoji, which actually means “it’s really not that serious to me, but thanks for sticking around.”

The trials and tribulations of dating in the age of… now. You would think the ease of communication found nowadays through texting and a billion different social media apps, (that also all have their own messaging systems by the way), would increase the amount of time a guy spends talking to you. Well you are wrong. In fact, it is quite the opposite.

The amount of chats I have had with my girl friends that involved a guy leaving one of us on “read” is honestly obscene. “I know he is active, why will he not respond to me!” Honest answer: because he knows he can wait minutes, hours, days, to get back to you and you will still respond to him. Sharing stories with my friends made me realize that the bar has been moved so far down for guys, it is practically in hell.

I got to pondering these discussions. Why is it that guys are allergic to pursuing women these days? Were they all pulled into a giant guy meeting one day and told that treating women like garbage will “help them pull?” Then it dawned on me: Is romance officially

dead?

The aftermath of a hard breakup has done its damage. However, it has also removed the rose-colored glasses from my face, and I have gained some insight on this topic. Guys want reward with no effort, and they keep getting it.

Let us go back in time a little. Let us pretend, for a moment, cellphones do not exist. The only way for a guy, who is interested in pursuing you, can interact with you is in one of two ways:

A) Through the home phone, which your family would usually answer, and then said guy had to ask to talk to you.

B) The guy would have to leave his house, (I know, how riveting), and show up somewhere to see you unannounced.

Now, I am just going to make a wild assumption here, based on absolutely no evidence, and say that a majority of the guys, at least that I have been surrounded by, would never do that. I mean, why would they? Instead of taking time to do one of those things, they can take two seconds to text a crafty pick-up line and end up with a date.

On top of that, it feels like the gender roles in the dating world have completely switched. I have heard a guy say before, “I like when a girl texts first or asks me out, I think it’s hot.” No, you just think it is easy. Obviously guys are going to say they find it attractive when a woman takes the lead in the who is pursuing who game, because it means they put in zero effort and still end up with the woman! Open your eyes people! This new wave of feminism is enabling guys with the mentality that they are the prize in the relationship. Do not get me wrong, I am in full support of strong women who take charge of a situation, but do not use that power to reward incompetence.

Social media has only worked to further kill the dying art of romance. Snapchat is all the rage right now. A quick way to show somebody what you look like and start up a conversation that will probably lead to a lousy “situationship.” I know how this story ends. One person is left wondering why they were ghosted, and the other person has already moved on to their next victim. The cycle repeats and never ends in anything real.

I have never been into that. I love organically meeting someone, and the slow burn of getting to know them. The stories that come along with it: “Oh funny story, we actually met…” and ten minutes later you find yourself believing in love again. Maybe it is all the books I read, but that, to me, is so much more rewarding than someone liking my photo on a dating app. Yes, I understand that there are people who have found their soulmate that way, or through Snapchat. That is just not for me.

I have heard here and there that in the era of Gen Z, there is hardly interest in forming a genuine connection. I know this statement is false, because I exist. I know there is someone out there who would hold up a boom box for me. I believe in the fairytales, and the happy endings. I am looking for something real. It will not find me in my room, crying, because he forgot something again, no. It will find me when I am fully, unabashedly myself. It will find me in the flowers for no reason, in every car door opened, and in every action that screams: “I love you.”

To answer my own question, yes, romance may be dead, but only for some.

Best wishes xxx

A.P